Lying 101

With lies you may get ahead in the world - but you can never go back.
~Russian proverb

Like all valuable commodities, truth is often counterfeited.
~James Cardinal Gibbons

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put its pants on.
~Winston Churchill

If falsehood, like truth, had but one face, we would be more on equal terms. For we would consider the contrary of what the liar said to be certain. But the opposite of truth has a hundred thousand faces and an infinite field.
~Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
~Henry Louis Mencken, A Little Book in C Major, 1916

Lying 101

So, why do we need a collage course in lying?

1. To learn how to tell a better lie
2. To learn to know when you are being lied to

Basics:

• If you always tell the truth, you can never be caught telling a lie
• If you always tell the truth, you can always be convicted of telling a lie, by a liar
• If you always tell the truth, the easier it is to remember the details
  
• If you want to tell a lie, the closer to the truth it is, the easier it is to remember the details
  
• If you want to tell a lie, the closer to the truth it is, the harder it will be to be caught
  
• Credibility based on successful lies is indistinguishable from credibility based on truth
• The more scared people are, the easier they are to lie to
• The greedier people are, the easier they are to lie to - greed is just a different form of fear
  

Intermediate:

• If you are a wolf who wants to catch a sheep, is it better to dress as a wolf or a sheep? This goes to credibility. It can be costly to build credibility directly, but it is much less expensive to counterfeit it. For example, if you are Satan, is it better to wear horns and a pointy tail, or the cloak of the clergy?
• However, if someone is truly at peace with God and/or the universe, they have nothing to sell you or convince you of, and some smart people understand this. Consequently don't oversell the clergy clothes, unless you are convinced of gullibility of your audience. However, there are many techniques to improve the gullibility of your audience.
• Morals and ethics are a handicap to being a successful liar, except by learning to dress your lies as either moral and/or ethical
• If you are either moral or ethical, you will not be a good liar, but both morals and ethics can be cured, and once cured the incidence of relapse is rare
  

Advanced:

• To improve the gullibility of your audience you have to undermine their critical thinking skills.
  • Distract your audience. A pretty blond lady works very well with both men an women.
  • Speak quickly so people cannot employ logic to follow you arguments. A fast speaking pretty blond lady works extremely well.
  • Appeal to people's sense of morals or ethics. A self-righteous, fast speaking pretty blond lady can do wonders.

Homework:

• Search the internet for more quotes on lying, honesty, truth, etc. Humanity has amassed a wealth of wisdom on lying and it's all out there.
• Study logic, in particular logical fallacies. This is where wisdom must bow to philosophy.
• Practice lying. Lying to you friends, family and spouse will yield the best practice of all. Never lie to yourself, because if you believe your own bullshit you may become overconfident and make mistakes.